Wednesday, May 4, 2016

A Letter to My Future Wife

Dear future wife,

Life is hard for me and if you have chosen me leaving all the best suitors in the world, the first thing I would like to know is "Why?" I am really not sure how you will or have you already entered my life. I feel really astounded by the fact that a guy as heartless as me could get a girl who could love me without worrying about what I am. Why?

I do not know if you have already invaded my dreams or not, but there is this sudden rush of feelings that I feel in my dreams that you are so nearby. Every night these days turns into a sleepless night at some point of time and there is no explanation to it. This is my complaint. I haven't seen you, I haven't talked to you, I haven't loved you and still I feel your absence. Why do you trouble me so much at times?

I wonder at the creation of God. We are born, we grow up, we study and we work, but why are we supposed to make sure we spend our life with somebody else? Why do we need love? Some can make do without it for life and blessed and strong are such people. I do not understand why I cannot gather so much strength and strive towards making life better for people around me. There is just a cloud of desires and attraction that bounds me to your thoughts.

I see you in many women that pass my way and I try to find one or the other things that I imagine would in someone belong to you. Some one's smile, some one's sweet voice, some one's enthusiastic attitude towards one's passion, some one's beauty and dressing sense, some one's way to express love and desires, some one's sense of humor. The list is endless. But whenever I closely try to observe a woman that attracts my attention, there is some part of you that I always look for, and that gets embedded deep into my mind. However, it is not that I want you to become that. Right now, I am not even sure if you do exist.

I want to apologize for whatever wrong I have done to you without knowing you. I have betrayed you by wrongly thinking about being intimate with numerous women. I have betrayed you by actually being intimate with a woman that did not deserve my efforts. I have betrayed you by thinking you will be the source of all love and support that I have been looking for by ignoring my family and friends. You, by any means, are no object of giving me love and support. It is by time and experiences of life that I have come to know that I have made mistakes that have made irreversible damage to my life. Although there is no way the past can be corrected, I believe in many ways I have done wrong to you and I hope you will accept me the way I am.

Neither I am a perfect person, nor are you. Yes, people dream of things being perfect, life being perfect. I have seen none enjoying something perfect. It is time and circumstances that affect the state of mind of a person. A person feels happy or sad, full of life or empty, determined to continue through the course of life or end it. You must be expecting this man seems so nice to me, but writes so boring. I am sorry for that as well, time and tide not only wait for none but leave scars that are not easy to erase. But in all my capability and strength, I will try my best to keep your state of mind the way it should be.

I visualize you as a sensible, strong, independent and affectionate woman. I believe you can lead your life better alone than with me at times and I am the chains that bound you. I believe you are the person who can accomplish anything she desires, even a person as recluse as I am and turn it into something better. The pain of my life has narrowed down my sight so sharp that I cannot see but money, fame, and work. I cannot enjoy the sweet morning sounds that make a day feel like a day. I have lost all love and appreciation that the people surrounding me demand. It is just that life has pulled  life out of me. Time has hardened me like a rock to withstand the ups and downs, but I have no idea how to love such a wonderful person as you.

Yes, you expect a lot of praise and love from this letter. Be patient. I am coming to that darling. I am sorry once again, but you are the third woman in my life that has turned my life to corners that I would never have imagined (The first is my mom and the second are a whole lot of ladies who taught me at school. Yes they are to the date very doting women.).  I have never had a sister and I have never had very close female friends. I do not know how to express love to you, but want to. I have no idea what gifts to buy for you as I have bought none in life. I do not know how to take somebody out for dinner or party or even host a party. I was never brought up to do all this. But an inner voice tells me I need to change a bit for you. 

Let me tell you what that inner voice tells me. It tells me that this woman is courageous enough to leave her family and come to live with you for life. Love her, caress her and make her feel home. Make her feel warm and lively. Give her a reason to smile when you both return home from work. Take her to places that she'll never have seen in her lifetime. Make love to her during weekends (without her asking) so intense that she forgets masturbation. Buy her gifts that not only signify your love to her but also help her make her life easier. The voice also tells me you are a naughty person, and you won't wake up early in the morning. It tells me if she doesn't improve, do not get frustrated. Kiss her and wake her up with breakfast in bed. When she is sick, take care of her and make her feel better in pain. Give her a massage often whenever she is in pain. Let her roam around with or without clothes on, let her be free as a bird in the wild. Fight her hard but love her back harder. When she is sad, hug her so hard and make her feel so warn that all broken pieces of her heart turn one piece with all the warmth and love. Do not ever force her to leave her job or do household chores if she doesn't want to. Do not force her into having kids if she doesn't want to. But love her the way she would never imagine leaving you. It is a bond for life.

I am just so foolish at times I cannot think things on my own, but my inner voice tells me a lot of things. Darling, at this moment, know this: I am not ready for you. I am not responsible enough to even pay bills. I do not have a job or the efficiency that an adult has to have. I am weak at heart at times, irresponsible, lazy and a procrastinator. I want to be the person that makes you feel safe, secure and ready by your side when I meet you the first day. We unite not for the dependence of money or household chores, we unite for the love of each other. We shall lead our lives with all due respect without feeling hindered or bound in unnecessary emotions due to each other. Love is the only central aspect that binds our relationship, but with a firm resolve to achieve nothing but the best in life. When we walk in society, we walk with due respect for the people around us but make sure our respect is intact as well. We make each other proud.

Dear wife, I have opened up my heart through this letter and I hope that answers all your questions. If you do meet me and you have any questions, two cups of coffee at Starbucks will be waiting for us some sunny morning, or rainy afternoon or a chilled winter evening. We both will open our hearts out and try to unite in the best time of our lives. Till then, please spare me of your dreams and let me work. All this work and effort will ultimately lead me towards you. My sweetest wife, I love you. We shall meet for sure. 

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