Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Dark Force

Here I sit at my laboratory desk at 3:30 AM, a rainy Sunday morning, writing my story again. A lot has happened over the past 4 months and the things that I have gone through, I wish I had a way to erase them from my mind. Trying to support myself by a part-time job in hopes for a Ph.D. admit had made me go so low, that I had left my thesis aside just to assure myself that I would be able to pay my bills and keep myself fed. Now, I have got myself into the Ph.D. program along with a salary till I am in the Masters' program. My will and God's grace has brought me to that frontier which I wanted to reach.

Reaching here I made one of the most important friends of my life. I generally do not like to write names, but Trusit Shah deserves to be on this diary. Neither you need to know who he is, nor who I am, but know this: This guy stood by me for the last one year without expectations to help me push through. Before, I did not know whom to trust. I was essentially lost after the blunder that I made in hopes for a relationship, which cost me thousands of dollars in tuition and monthly expenses. Probation hit me in the balls like a stone. But now, I had a person who I could address as a true friend in this Godforsaken land. This is what I call a true beginning.

Rain patters on the glass windows while mine is the only light burning through the darkness and the track 'Teardrop' plays through the night, uplifting my inner self. I was not a fan of watching TV shows, but finally caught hold on House M D. Hugh Laurie is one eccentric person that not only fascinates me to the measures like Sherlock Holmes, but his character entices a dark corner in my heart. The reason: I do not know! It just is as it is. When you have no support, no aim to follow, no security, you whimper like that bloody pupper left on the street who isn't given a fuck by anyone. When you achieve what you want, you go blank with thoughts. Now I have achieved what was a basic need to push through life. But what next? Should I help out people in the same need as I was? OR should I just carry on without acknowledging whatever happened because the past is the past? The relief in the back of the mind just wants to make sure you do not go all stressed through the day, but a dark force does reside in some corner to keep away, keep planning something sinister and get what the mind truly recognizes as a purpose. What is in it for me? Let's find out with time.

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