The Importance of Patience

It has been 4 months and change in the United States. Christmas came with some showers this year, and this was the time I wanted to escape the crowded city of Dallas to the serene suburbs of Houston, which I did within 2 days of the beginning of the winter break. It was my first trip outside Dallas in the States, and overwhelmed by the Wi-Fi and the power outlets the bus had to offer, I sat on the top deck and enjoyed the scenic view on the way to Houston. Yes, it was dark, and one cannot expect anything other than broad highways and small towns at the periphery. But the best part about it was that I could see the naked sky and the moon. Sleepless nights at the university and the apartment had robbed me of this small thing that I liked the most back at home. This brought into me a new hope for a new beginning the New Year had to bring for me.

I reached St Travis Street, the heart of Houston where my aunt and uncle and cousin welcomed me, and drove me to their home. A grand bungalow to live in, I was astonished to see just 3 people live in it. Although, such is life in the United States, and there is no harm in wanting for more. It does have a feel of home. The jokes on significant others, the pictures on the wall, the mischief of the tiny tot all brings back some memories from home.

This line just popped up in my browser’s motivational plug-in one day – a man in search of happiness will wander out in to the world, but at the end, shall return home to find the same. I feel awe at how can a wise man so accurately say what truly will happen for an action taken in life. At home, I felt I will find that grandeur and success that I wished for all my life in the States, but now the mind just wishes for the peace, calm and love that I had back there at home. The thing the wise man did not put in to this line was “money”. People go out in a hunt for money and end up wanting nothing more than what a person needs more than money. Is it the fickle nature of the human mind that makes you change your requirements in life? Or is it the battering that life gives you that makes you move back to your comfort zone?

I still admit that I am very young and cannot answer my own questions and they shall soon be answered as the time passes. The curiosity does turn into impatience, and I try to find answers to those in the Hindu scriptures, that still influences me. The Gita does teach me to continue on the path of Karma without any expectation, but does that always apply in today’s modern era? I still long for grandeur, fame, wealth and power, and feel impatient when I will get it. But, sitting in this room at this wonderful place of my aunt’s, I still miss the warmth of home. It is not that you choose any one of them. You need both. Life is a success if you look for the correct proportion of things, which I am still to discover by building up my patience. 

Living for someone

The world just keeps getting worse. Governments fall, wars are fought, people lose what is rightfully theirs. Humanity dies for no reason. The terrorist killing a man same has himself forgets why is he giving that man the same pain he has gone through. A man who is tired of his domestic life and his wife unleashes his anger and destroys her and him as well. I am no feminist, but what is unacceptable remains unacceptable. A drunk man kills people in a split second with his car. A man who committed a mistake by being intimate with a woman pulls out his own blood, his own child from the woman's womb. He causes pain to that woman who could do nothing but bear the child of his mistake. He kills that living being who had yet to see the world. He destroys himself and becomes a disgrace to family.

The land where I am, people at times say you have to go on alone. Family has no right to fetch their time to earn money. I question them - what use is that money if you cannot buy happiness to someone? Why did someone put in so much effort to pull you to the pinnacle of success that you stand on right now? Why do you ignore that the people who trust in you, love you? Is their effort into you futile? Why cannot you return that same favor to someone younger to you who has yet the world to see?

Now that I have the power of Internet in my hands, I wish to tell the world that family is not just two married people with children. Family is more than that. When you commit to being a family, you commit a lifetime to them. You partner in their good and bad times. You make children, you toil for them and see them succeed the way your parents saw you succeed. Every life has a story behind it - good or bad. We see people who thank God, their parents, their mentor, their friends, their life partner for where they are. I feel they are the true human beings. As for atheists, I would like to say, people like me believe that God is an imaginary friend, and you should not be troubled by that. For people who do not value their parents, I value them because I respect how hard it is to bring up children. For those who do not respect the true value of a mentor, I believe you have not learnt from your mother's womb and come into this world. Those who do not value their friends, please do not forget they were nobody to you, but still they have been with you for God knows what period of time. (Atheists, no need to explain it to you again). Those who do not value that significant other in life, if you do not, better alleviate your partner from this pain - you are not bound to be with them. Try to understand what made you guys fall in love with each other. Do not mess with nature - try to get some sense that you are meant to make a successful life together. It is not an agreement that breaks with a signature on a piece of paper that law calls divorce.

I understand that being a young individual,  I may not be capable of teaching someone a lesson. I myself am in need of life lessons, and am struggling to make a living by studying and learning harder every single day. But, I am a human. Humans have feelings more fine in detail than any other creature on this Earth. Why do you limit your vision to helplessness and disgust? I am a fan of Sylvester Stallone, and John Rambo is a classic to me. I remember him say: "Live for nothing, or die for something". True, but there is no need to die. Just try to live for something, live for someone that will love you back seeing your effort. Believe in love and see how does it make your life beautiful. Believe in compassion and humanity, and accept your mistakes and make your life free of guilt. Live your life with honor, and life shall honor you with what you would not have even expected.

Losing yourself

The world has so much to offer to you. Drama, action, love, hatred and what not. Many of the inhabitants of this world get lost in this mundane ruckus and this just makes them regret life more. "I wish I was firm about going into army..." "I wish I had studied a bit more hard..." "I wish I had been more polite with my girlfriend..." People do say that . It is not a theatrical. People bury that in their hearts and when they break, this is what comes out with a bucket full of anger and tears and violence.

Yes, what I write today did not mean anything to me a year ago. Yes, this effort of writing down my mind full of concussion may mean nothing to everyone. But, there shall be one person who will read this, and that person shall find peace that the world is all the same - the people are all the same. You will never get beyond it, the world will always win. What truly matters is keeping peace with your inner self - whether what you did was a fruit of your conscience or a result of envy or hatred or even affection from some other person.

My sense of comparison is very vague. I firmly believe I believe in my religion, but I also respect what some other people have to say about life too, people like Marshall Mathers III, whose breathless flow of fire makes him "Eminem". The Gita has always been a a lamp for me in the long difficult road of life, and it has just taught me to toil on without worrying. Of course, someone reading this will counter question my belief that it is my perception that life is so dull, and there are small things in life to love and live with them. I disagree no more. But, even to get to those small things you love, didn't you sacrifice a lot? Did you not put in futile efforts and worked like a beast to see that small thing you love? Yes, you did, and so I prove that life has always been difficult, do not fuck it up. Pardon my French.

I am electrical engineer, and I stand with pride that I sacrificed a lot to reach here. If I hadn't stopped writing back in school, or even enjoying small things like playing, I wouldn't have been able to pass school. If I had not stopped smoking, I would have sunk in the delirium it brought during high school. If I hadn't put all my effort to learn rather than just scoring well on exams in my undergraduate school, I would not have been where I am here. But, the bloody catch that life has to offer - when you love someone, you have to sacrifice being you. I can just smile back at myself now. I grew hard like a stone, but why? Just to melt like butter in a pan when life has a deal to make with you, which could sound like a one-time offer in life? Does life give second chances to those who really have sacrificed just to reach the pinnacle of a place where they shall be alone?

On the contrary, what would life be without all this? I am contradicting myself, and confusing you with what I am trying to imply. Yes, I have something important to imply, for the people who know and do not know me. I shall lose myself to the only aim in life that I have ever wanted. There is a message to someone I love at the moment inside here. I love the people with all my heart when I love them, but if I have hurt you or will hurt you, please consider thinking on this: there is something important than me in your life too, and vice versa. They say you shall sell your soul to reach that pinnacle of success where you shall be alone, but there is always time to climb down for those who pushed you up. I may lose myself to my passion and push you away, but my heart will always have a place for you.   

A new beginning

Writing. The word that lost its charm in my dictionary a long time ago. Years passed away in like it was yesterday, but someone special to me wanted me to write this down, and so am I. This is my mind, and I am being an open book with the people I want to.

The world brought to me the good and the bad. Virtue and vice. Many people saw greatness in me, many saw love and affection and many saw the support that they longed for the rest of their life. At the age of 23 today, it is a storm of thoughts and emotion that clouds my mind in the midnight in the city of Dallas. It is a miracle of God that I am here - the haven to technology. The place that I saw on TV for years just came alive to me. But even being here feels like I have lost a lot of things back there in India.

I was, am and will remain lazy, and that is what adds to my personality of devising creative solutions. But I miss my mom waking me up in the morning with shouts and a jug of water poured on me. I miss my dad shouting at me for not being responsible. I miss my my grandfather who has scolded me for some of the life decisions I ever took. I miss my uncle and aunt who loved me more than my parents. I miss my siblings with whom I fought. I miss my attic which always remained dirty and the sun never reached inside because I never wanted it too. But now I miss the sun too.

In a sudden event of travel around half a world in 24 hours, in the August of 2015 I reached Dallas, and enjoyed the first month to the fullest. But, as time passed, there were this little things I started missing as time passed. I started studying at a prestigious college, I fell in love with an old friend and I broke down twice. A guy who felt that he was not made for love had melted with the heat of the moment he was in. A shock wave of loneliness hit like a knockout punch and threw him down when he was supposed to stand firm against even a bullet the hard time would hit him with.

I have never been able to write, sing, dance, play music and express my love before. Why is it that all of a sudden all swept those bonds away? Why is a person not lonely when he is lonely? Why is he clouded with thoughts that melt and wash him away in tears when it is really not expected of him? Will I be able to achieve what I have come so far for? These are the questions I am to explore from this moment on.  C'est la vie, and it has proved that it is no joke.