I had picked up the multimeter after a long time at my aunt's place in Houston, and as it had been long, I had forgotten how to use it. Memory fails even for the young at times when they are out of practice. But one word shocked both, my uncle and aunt, "Fuck! Why did I forget that flip switch!?". Of course, it was not something worth saying before my five-year-old cousin, but who can stop the rush of expression and the feeling to complete the work that I had taken at hand.
Being a graduate student who had come this far after a long struggle had certainly made me amicable to all people and troubles I had in life, but the resentment of being left behind in the race of life pumped a river of adrenaline through me. I could not sleep, I could not eat, also could not study. I was just not content with whether I will land the job at the lab I had been waiting for since December. All the pain and pressure swelled up so much that even a small failure at doing things made me irritable. But when my aunt shouted out, "This is what you have grown up to now!" pulled me out of that false facade my mind, my ego had pulled up before my conscience.
Such an experience certainly leaves people to shock when they are not used to swearing a lot. On the contrary, that is the only way to vent out the frustration and the pain that they are going through. Quite often these are the people who are wrongly accused of bad public behavior and even I share similar experiences. However, it becomes an ordeal for such people to contemplate at times if reacting in such a manner is valid or not. Anger, hate, and contempt are bound to grow, there is just no way out of the misery until things get better. For me, things will be better when I get a job and a place to my own, rented or not.
However, the poison keeps building in the mind of tired and weary. The body could do any of the two: either let the poison take control or let the poison out. Some punch walls, some shoot guns, some swear, some cry. Everyone has their own way to let the negativity into the void of the universe. I tried to swim and tire myself so much that I would not think of anything at the end of the day. I would just eat and sleep. But, I was wrong. Sometimes, you just need to let it go. Just like the oblivion described in myths, man must succumb to the poison of frustration and let the vents off. Let there be destruction. Let friends and family get angry, let loved ones avoid and ignore you or condemn you. Let your colleagues condemn you. Let the consequences be upon one. There are times there is just no escape from the consequences of anger.
To detoxify the dying self-esteem, sometimes one has to use swearing and cussing. No human being is perfect, not even sages. Sages vent their anger using curses, normal people like us do so by swearing, God by oblivion. Anger grows in the shadow of ego, and this materialistic world, in no way can let ego of ambitious humans down. Ego shall grow to the extremes. The time of meditating and contemplation goes to vain and this ego shall force the ambitious human to exert all force to keep the ego high. If successful, and if the human is smart enough, it shall be content with the positive outcome. The ego shall subside but rise again. Although, if let out, it shall relieve it of all pain and angst and the new transformation will add to the spiritual growth of the person. Thus, anger let out may have negative consequences in near future, but positive in the time to come after that.
The central idea thus focuses on letting off the poison human collects within itself. Meditation may be the path for the wise to follow, however at times, for ordinary people, the vent of anger and the positive transformation that comes by post-contemplation will lead to the better development of the person. I hope the same affects me in a positive manner too. However, it is still a long way to go.
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