Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Mothers' Day: Why is Life Unfair to My Mom?

Evening 8 PM and I see an incoming Whats app call. I know who is calling me but somehow it doesn't feel good to pick up the phone. The rain patters on the glass window and the light from the phone reflects on it. Somehow I manage to pick up the phone. "Jai Shree Krishna" are my first words and hers are the same. She sounds worried and keeps nagging me whether I had lunch or not. Then she comes to studies and my lab work. But still, her concern has no effect on my indifferent tone. She complains all the time "Why don't you call me back?" and I have no answer. I keep murmuring a new excuse but she still is firm on getting a correct answer. I just get frustrated and sign off. 

The woman is my mother, no doubt about it. The woman for whom I have utmost respect in my mind and love in my heart, but still her nagging is something I cannot bear. In fact, I cannot bear any body's nagging and I do not even wish to nag somebody else. I do not wish to comment like a sage that life is all tiresome and I cannot get a hold of it. I have just grown into a silent person, and with each day my silence deepens with every second I spend alone. I just sit at my desk in the lab and work physically. But mentally, it’s a storm of thoughts that do not calm down. Wow! This is life! Now I am an adult. I am supposed to survive and pay bills. When I grow even older, I all have to marry somebody and make kids. Just wow! I wonder how my mother grew into such a sensible human being that she could raise two boys like us. I do not care if we brothers will be successful in life or not. That in itself is a different issue about how to motivate your children to leave the comfort zone. But growing yourself into a person as strong as this is just nothing more than an eighth wonder of the world. I am still in awe how does it happen.

My mother was a very naughty and cheerful girl as my grandmother used to tell me. Yes, my grandmother was my partner in crime where my mother had absolutely no idea. But the stories that she told me in the hot afternoons in summer were quite intriguing, quite nostalgic as well. My mother was not a very smart kid at studies and so are we brothers. But she had this energy to dance, play and watch movies all day, which was an awe to my grandmother as well. I am talking about the childhood of a person in the 70's, so you could for sure imagine movies was not an affair as simple as Netflix these days or even for that sake, booking tickets online. You have to wait in queue, get inside and shout and enjoy and have fun! As simple as that. On the contrary, I am a person who is as lazy as a sloth, I have no idea how to dance. Movies, I think that's the only pass of time that matches my mother's.  

Well, she grew up, went to college, graduated in biology and ended up working in her cousin's technical institute. This is the most interesting part of her life. She was a FORTRAN programmer in her time and she also taught tailoring. You see, both are different forms of vocation. But she taught both with all the passion and all the energy. People actually enjoyed her sessions. If you ask me, I have not enjoyed any teaching session of hers. The taunts and the beating was enough to dissolve my taste in learning. But anyway, I managed. I wasn't a strong kid but I had strong parents. To add, I hate programming and my genes cannot accept anything cuter than a teddy bear. Tailoring is a distant dream, even a good painting brings burns to the feel I cannot hold my pencil properly. Duh. 

When she got married, she was stripped of all so many cheerful things in life that she loved. But, when we brothers were born, she swallowed that pain within herself. At times, she would express her joy in the form of jokes or petting us kids or dancing in weddings. That was her way when her bad-ass in-laws did not accept her cheerful nature. I have no idea why, and I became like her in laws anyway. I turned into a bore eventually and my mom hates me for that. "Mom, if you by any chance find this blog on the Internet, yes it's me. I know you did not expect a lazy ass son and I am sorry for that. Life's a bitch and I have no clue how to handle it as gracefully as you. That's the most honest opinion I could ever give you."

I am still in awe by the fact that my mom knows that I cannot even date a girl or maintain a relationship with full commitment. I know she wouldn't be so happy seeing me discussing this. She had to feel so troubled to mend us boys to the right path. She literally had to clean us up when we were babies, then you had to beat us up so that we could simply fill a page of an alphabet properly. You had to deal with the in-laws to make sure they did not affect our studies. You prepared us such that nobody could question our credibility. You made us into good humans, but so good that they become sad at people's miseries and end up doing mistakes and causing more trouble. Still, you do take care of that in the worst of times.  

The list is endless and parenting is a nightmare. I hope I am not screwing it up more for her by even speaking of it. I am a fool and I do not know how the relationship thing works. But sometimes I feel I have grown so old that I need some girl in my life to spend my quality time with. I do not know how dad and mom spend your lonely moments together because anyway we are a conservative family. We do not hug, kiss or do all that stuff show of affection. But we strive in life helping each other out, and that's more than enough I guess.

I have learnt how to take care of myself properly. But I will make sure I’ll be ready to take care of not only myself but others around me. It's just that I am nervous at times. I am still under the fear that I have just grown up so quickly or slowly, even the time scale is a doubt to me. Life has been so unfair to you and that is what I feel bad about for your life. But I am sure that I have turned into a good son and I will keep the legacy alive (although dancing still sucks, I am not doing that).

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